Wow, no posts from November or December last year... I think I can guess what one of my New Year's resolutions should be...
New Year's is usually seen as a time that we gird our loins and muster our discipline to make wide-ranging changes to our lives. Often we declare these boldly to each other in our NY's resolutions: "I'm going to quit smoking... and drink less... and spend more time with my family... and get that promotion at work... and exercise every day... and eat more healthily!"
I know that I've often resolved to meditate more in the New Year. But we all know what happens with NY's resolutions... a few weeks in and the odd burger/drink/cigarette or whatever has snuck in, we've done a day or two without exercise or without sitting... we've failed again. We don't mention this to our friends and colleagues and don't notice it when they stop mentioning their own successes either. Oh well, only eleven-and-a-half months until the next opportunity to make some NY's resolutions...
Some years ago, one of the teachers in Shunryu Suzuki's lineage, Jiryu Mark Rutschman-Byler, wrote a piece about
failing in Zen. He'd been watching his very young child trying and failing to catch birds one afternoon and noticed that his son's failure to catch any birds didn't seem to reduce his joy in the attempt. He contrasted this with his own reactions to his failures on the cushion, slumping instead of delighting and asks whether we can actually fail at Zen?
So can we fail at the Dharma? Are we failing now?
I say an afternoon chasing birds is an afternoon well spent. I say birds aren’t for catching; I say birds live in sky, not in boxes. I say point, and shriek, and point again. There is nothing to hold to, nothing to catch, in this world of unceasing hoppings and flittings. Much less a bird and much less a vast vow.
So this year: no meditation resolution for me. When I sit, I will sit in delight. Or misery. Or dullness or acuity, or whatever arises there and then, but
not to meet some target,
not to attain some goal,
not to keep some resolution.
And of course, I invite you to sit with me, with us. We meet in the centre of Northampton every Wednesday to sit and then have tea and a chat. Whether you've been before or not, you're very welcome to join us, to have the support of others practising around you (and to be that support for them!) and to delight with us in our continual failures.
